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Is Perfectionism Holding You Back From Success? 🙈🙅

Hello Beauty!

Years ago, when I had severe anxiety, was completely broke, lonely, and lost… I held myself back so much because I thought I had to be perfect in order to be worthy. 

I allowed perfectionism to stop me from going after my dreams. I thought I had to be perfectly thin, perfectly dressed, perfectly smart, perfectly skilled, perfectly well-spoken, perfectly *fill in the blank* in order to be successful. 

No wonder I was so scared to move forward! Can you relate? 

You know what's interesting? According to the latest research, perfectionism has been on a steady rise over the last 3 decades. 

Some experts believe this increase is due to the amount of time we now spend on social media looking at people's "highlight reels."

These posts only show people and their families on their best days, with the best angles, best lighting, best outfits, best makeup, best hair, cleanest rooms, and are usually filtered to death. 

Even though most people aren't posting the true reality of their lives, these highlight reel posts are having a negative affect on our mindset and what we believe we need to be, do, and have in order to be worthy. 

Here is the problem with perfectionism. It is holding people back from living their dream lives. 

So, what actually is perfectionism anyway?

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Photo Cred: Psychology Today

The definition of perfectionism is: The refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.

This refusal to accept anything other than perfection can express itself in many ways. You can be highly critical of yourself and, in turn, others too.

This can put a big strain on our relationships. When we place such high standards and expectations on others it can cause them to feel as though they are constantly walking on eggshells.  

Perfectionism can also be caused or reinforced by how you were raised, where you work, who you hang out with most, where you spend your spare time (like Facebook and Instagram), and also your personality. 

Interestingly, people with higher levels of anxiety tend to suffer from perfectionism more so than those who are anxiety free. (Anyone else raising their hand?? lol)

One of the biggest reasons people struggle with perfectionism (and one that is very common in the beautiful women I have the pleasure of coaching is)… Fear of failure. 

This is really a mindset issue. People who have a deep fear of failure view anything less than perfect as a failure, therefore, they avoid taking chances or going after their dreams.

Basically, they hold themselves back from greatness over an unrealistic belief that they have to be perfect in order to be successful.

Perfectionism also causes another nasty habit… procrastination. (Another topic we will be covering in depth in the Mindset By Design for Her private FB Group,click here to join in on the conversation.)

When you feel like you have to be perfect, it can make it really hard for you to want to get started. As a matter of fact, it causes your brain to go into analysis paralysis. 

Luckily, there are a few simple strategies we can implement to stop perfectionism from holding us back from the success we want and deserve. 

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Photo Cred: Human in the System

How to Release Perfectionism for Good in 4 Simple Steps

1. Test it Out
If you have lived most of your life as a perfectionist, transforming into a free-spirited “this is good enough” kind of person overnight isn't realistic. This is why it is smarter to start with baby steps. For example, you can send an email without proofreading it 20 times first. Or you can go to a networking event even if you feel like you don't have the perfect outfit to wear or the perfect thing to say, reminding yourself before each "trial run" that perfection doesn't exist. 

Once you get comfortable dipping your toes in the “this is good enough/I am good enough” water, it will get easier and easier to release your need for perfection more and more and more. 

2. Change Your Perception 
Perfectionists can often hold the bar so high for themselves that is hard to know what “good enough” actually is. If this is you, what you can do is think to yourself, what would I tell my coworker, friend, son/daughter, or loved one about this? Would you call them too fat to speak in front of a crowd? Would you tell them they weren't perfect enough to go after their dreams? Probably not. 

Understanding when it would be “good enough” for someone else can help you to determine whether or not you are starting to fall into perfectionistic tendencies.

3. Set Time Limits 
Perfectionism can cause you to do 2 things:

#1 Procrastinate and do nothing or
#2 Make you take WAY too long to complete things so nothing ever gets done.

I currently provide mindset coaching to a large group of high-level entrepreneurs in the health space. Everyone from chiropractors, naturopaths, doctors, and dietician who are all launching online courses and practices. Some of these practitioners launch in 3 weeks while some are 12 months in and still haven’t launched. 

This is why, every chance I get, I tell the people who are taking longer to put a time limit on all the work they need to do in order to get their program launched. 

For example, if it is taking them a whole day or even a week to complete one exercise that is a red flag that perfectionism is kicking in. When I meet with these clients I always recommend that they give themselves a time limit for each task and that is the same advice I want to give to you. 

4. Schedule Your Perfectionism
For some of us, having a high standard is just in our DNA which, as we now know, can be a hindrance to our success, however, there is are different instances when your high bar can be used in your favor. So for example, if there is a task that is very detail oriented, numbers based, or if you are doing a project for a client, this can be a great time to strategically allow your high standards to shine brightly.

The important part here is that you allow yourself to, at the same time, loosen up on other things and also implement the previous strategies above too. 

DONE > PERFECT
Here is the truth, there is no such thing as perfect. It simply doesn’t exist. So if we keep aiming for perfection we will get stuck staying in the same place, never moving forward. This is why done will always beat perfect every time. 

If you'd like to discuss and learn even more about Perfectionism and how it can have a negative affect on entrepreneurs join me LIVE today (Tuesday, February 12th) at 2 pm EST. All you have to do is CLICK HERE to join the private Mindset By Design for Her Facebook group where I will be going live. Can't wait to hang out with you there!

Now I want to know, have you ever let perfectionism hold you back from greatness or going after your dreams? Hit the reply button and let me know.

Wishing you so much love!

See you later today in the group

Steph
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PS- Remember to join the Mindset By Design for Her private FB Group by CLICKING HERE.Can't wait to see you there!

My #1 hack to feel confident around anyone, anyplace, anytime.

Hi Gorgeous, 

You know that feeling you get when you go to a networking event or when you are around a bunch of people you don't know?

Like you have to prepare a synopsis of all the amazing things you are doing in business and in life?

I used to feel like this all the time. 

Like I had to be so INTERESTING to be worthy. 

It was like I thought I had to EARN my place in the world. 

This put sooooo much pressure on me when I would go to networking events or just out in public in general. Especially when I had severe social anxiety. 

Now I understand that, in social situations, it is so much better to be INTERESTED rather than INTERESTING. 

Watch the video below or keep reading to understand what I mean. 

When you approach people with a smile and genuine heartfelt interest...in them, what they do, what they love, what their hopes wishes and dreams are...

It also allows the other person to let their light shine. This feels really good to both people. Win/Win!

This also releases the pressure of feeling the need to "perform" or "be on show" by telling everyone about yourself. 

This is the quickest way for you to build massive rapport with people too which is an amazing skill to have in business and in life. 

Finally, it is also important for me to point out that you were BORN WORTHY. You do not have to prove yourself to anyone. 

Simply being there, with the beautiful light and love you bring to the room, is enough to "earn" your place in the world. 

When you bring your full and best self, you are a gift and a prize to everyone you meet. 

Always remember that Goddess. 

Much Love, 

Steph
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How to Overcome Social Anxiety

So, you know how there are some people who can walk into a room full of strangers (by themselves!) with full confidence? Able to strike up a conversation with anyone?

While others can hardly say hello to the mailman they've had for 10 years, let alone a room full of strangers.

For the latter, this uncomfortable "shyness" only gets worse in situations where they feel on display or when in group settings, like a workout class or a networking event.

For some people (like me!), this "shyness" can turn into debilitating social anxiety.

Can you believe I couldn't even leave my house at one point?

If the fear of stepping out into social situations is holding you back from doing great things in the world, please know, you are not alone. Far from it. 

The truth is, over 15 million people suffer with social anxiety in the U.S. alone, making it extremely common.

Watch the video below, or keep reading, to hear Steph's story of social anxiety and how she overcame it. 

So what is social anxiety anyway?

People with social anxiety usually experience distress when:

  • They're introduced to new people

  • They feel teased or criticized (which feels as though is happening ALL THE TIME even when it's not.)

  • They're the center of attention (I used to hate this so much!)

  • Being watched while doing something (cringe!)

  • Meeting authority figures or anyone perceived as "important"

  • Most social encounters, especially with strangers

  • Going around the room (or table) in a circle and having to say something (more cringing!)

  • Interpersonal relationships (romantic, business, and friendships can all cause discomfort)

Social anxiety is, in a very small nutshell, the fear of being negatively judged by others.

This perceived judgment (which most of the time IS NOT REAL, watch the video for more on this) leads to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, self-consciousness, embarrassment, humiliation, and sometimes even depression.

Here's the cool part, if I have been able to heal myself of this, you can too. It took my many years to figure out how to get a handle on, it and what to do to combat it. 

Below are the 4 main strategies I used to leave social anxiety in the dust (much more on all of these in the video):

  • Practice self-love and self-worth

    • When you truly love yourself and understand how worthy you are you feel comfortable anyplace, around anyone. YOU ARE A QUEEN. 

  • Release judgments of self AND others

    • The more we judge ourselves and others, the more we feel judged. Period. 

  • Get help

    • Whether it is a therapist or a coach, it is important to get help when the going gets tough. Remember, you are not alone. 

  • Finally understand you have some important gifts to set-forth in the world

    • I truly believe that each and every one of us was brought here to earth for a very specific and divine reason. It is your job to figure out what that is and to then confidently step out into the world and let it rip! (this is my favorite thing to help women do.)

Another cool thing is that listening toPositive Affirmation Trackscan help a ton with all of these things too. 

The bottom line is.... you are supposed to feel comfortable and confident anyplace, anywhere, anytime and around anyone.

If you don't, that just means there are some things you need to take a closer look at. 

If I can do it, you can do it. yay! 

Much Love, 

Steph
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